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Aug 6, 2009

Tired

I just realized that I'm tired of not being able to fully commit to my relationships. The grim reality is that I'm not good about staying in touch. I don't call people and its not that I don't want to talk, its just that I get so busy and wrapped up in where I am that I don't make the time to call people. And honestly, I've been feeling lonely lately. I don't remember the last time I could sit down with a friend, old or new, and really talk. Most of my conversations with people lately have been 40 minute "catch-up" chats with friends I haven't talked to all summer. Sometimes I just get tired of stopping my relationships dead in their tracks and just picking up the next time I'm in town. I hope this is just a season of my life. That life isn't always like this. Someone told me today that life and relationships are like a pendulum and sometimes you're swinging with people and sometimes you're swinging in opposite directions. I need more security and consistency, though.

Right now, I feel as though I'm just sitting at a red light. I feel like I can't tell if God wants me to turn on a blinker or keep going straight, and like He's not giving the green light on some of the intersections that I want to cross. And the funny thing is, I keep finding myself in situations that lead me to say, "really, Lord? REALLY? very funny, but really?!?" Like what I want so badly is just dangling right there in front of me, but I haven't been given permission to reach out and grab it. But waiting for God's go ahead is going to make it all so much sweeter. So that takes us back to the whole patience and timing thing. Really, I could write a book on the subject.

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