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Dec 8, 2011

'tis the season {of being single}

I was blog hopping the other day and found this post on Tales for Karina.  I love how real Emily is...she's not afraid to talk about what's on her heart.  So, Em, if you're reading this, forgive me, but I'm stealing your post.

It seems that a lot of my friends are in a season of life where they're getting into relationships, getting engaged, getting married.  (And I truly am happy for each and every one of them!)
But sometimes, it's hard to not be jealous of those friends, because I'm in a season of life where I'm single. 


So....here are a few little lists about being single:

5 things that I like about the land of singledom:
1.  I can watch chick flicks without shame.  No more action movies unless I want to watch them.
2.  I can take this time to continue to learn about myself!  I once heard an Andy Stanley sermon about "becoming the person that the person you're looking for is looking for."  Yep, take a moment to unpack that.
3.  There are doors that God is opening for me that I might not want to walk through if I was in a relationship.
4.  I can watch whatever I want on TV without having to worry about someone else's preferences (I do love baseball, but sometimes I want to watch something with a plot)
5.  Having time.  Not that I really do, with school & all, but you get the idea.

5 things that I dislike about this singleness business:
1.  Those awkward conversations with my family, my parent's friends, my dental hygienist, with the "no, I'm not dating anyone", followed by the obligatory "oh, well, you'll find him someday!" Gee, thanks.
2.  No one to snuggle with.  Let's be real...cuddling & holding hands isn't something to complain about!
3.  Not having anyone to share the details of everyday life with.  Not in a crazy, clingy way, but in a cute, talk-all-day-about-nothing sort of way!
4.  The emotional roller coaster.  The "should I still hope?";  "is this guy interested?"; "I'm perfectly happy on my own." (which is usually closely followed by the sight of a cute couple, and then self-doubt)
5.  The going to weddings & family functions & church events on my own.  Especially when the people there are not on their own.

5 things I've learned/am learning by being single:
1.  How to hand my heart over to God.  I'm not so good at guarding it.  He is.  But I have a hard time letting Him do that.
2.  This sounds weird, but I think I'm learning a lot about the commitment that marriage is.  Sometimes I think about it, and realize how much I need to work on myself to someday be ready for that commitment.
3.  To keep my expectations high and not to settle for something less than God's best just because I'm afraid something better won't come along.
4.  To trust in God's timing and be patient.  Easily the hardest lesson I've ever tried to learn.
5.  That life is so much better when you take time to adjust your attitude and instead of being sad or bitter or angry about this season, find something to be grateful about and learn from it.


  1. Cute post! Sometimes people can put too much emphasis on being in a relationship, or being single. As long as you love yourself and you're happy single, or in a relationship, that is all that matters!


  2. "How to hand my heart over to God".....no matter if you're single or married...this is so Amazing!! Cute post.

  3. love this!!! SO glad you did this post :)

    And I COMPLETELY agree with you when it comes to the commitment of marriage. I've been to 6 weddings alone this year. Some of the couples were around our age, some were in their late 20s and early 30s. All over the spectrum. But seriously, it's kind of made me really want to take my time. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship when I can be single and devote my life just to learning about who I want to be and what God wants of me.

    You GO girl!! Keep your chin up!

  4. love this post...thanks for introducing us!


  5. OH my gosh, I love this! And I feel the exact same way. Glad to know I'm not alone. I actually just wrote a blog about how my life hasn't turned out like I planned, but maybe it's better. You can check it out if you want! http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com/2011/12/letter-to-16-year-old-me.html


  6. Oh you are such a doll! Loved this post. Enjoy your single days... they definitely won't last forever. You'll be married before you know it, and you'll be so glad you enjoyed your single life :) Because that will help you enjoy married life more!

  7. I love this. I am not currently single, but out of the eight years I have been in my twenties I have been single for over five, so I know where you are coming from! The thing that I think I gained the most from being single for so much of my time is not having that feeling of "needing" to have someone. I know girls who are never happy unless they are dating someone, and I think it seems kind of sad, because of all the quality time with themselves that they are missing out on. Hanging out with myself is totally one of my favourite things to do, and I think the reason I am so happy doing it is because of all those years when it was just me. Independence and strength are really really awesome qualities to develop.

  8. Ok. So I'm in love with this post and mostly because I love your honesty.. Gosh! We all struggle with something.. I wish I would've come across this when I was single...It's encouraging, even for me as a married gal. (And believe me, marriage comes with it's own set of woes)As you say in #2 (under what you've learned)..It requires commitment.. A lot! And honestly..we think the grass is greener on the other side.. Sometimes it's not. LOL Gosh I sound like my marriage is miserable.. It's not! I'm blessed with a godly man who loves me...But seriously.. it's like 1 Cor says (and I'm paraphrasing): a single woman can be about the things of the Lord..a married woman is focused on her husband and how to please him.. Okay.. so maybe I should look it up instead of giving you a shady summary.. LOL but yeah.... You keep focusing on the Lord and the positives (how He's opening doors and such) and all will be as it needs to be...

    God bless you girly,

    Janette, the Jongleur

  9. I love how honest this post is :)

    It is so easy to get swept up in stereotypes and media agendas these days. It's nice to know that women of our generation have such solid and humble heads on their shoulders. <3

    a cup of subtle tea

  10. just now catching up on reading your blog. we've been traveling for the past month!

    i write this knowing that it very well may be annoying coming from someone who is married, but there are some very, very wonderful things about being single, from the shallow to the profound- spending your money the way you want to spend it, having time to yourself, cooking things with mushrooms in them, not having to struggle through how do you your faith together.

    i'm happily married, and i still sometimes struggle with missing my singleness. don't get me wrong- being married definitely has its perks, but it's also really freaking hard sometimes, and there are definitely things that are good and things that are hard about both.

    i took a class at gordon with dr ivy george where we were talking about the ages at which people get married, particularly in the christian college circle. she talked us through several studies wherein research found that people who get married later have statistically much higher rates of success in their marriages, in part because you grow and change so much in your early twenties. i really appreciate the pastor's comment you wrote- work on becoming the person you want to be with is looking for.

    again, sorry if this is obnoxious coming from someone who is married (it certainly is obnoxiously long at any rate), but i've been thinking about this post since i first read it a day or two ago.

  11. i forgot to add- while my post college years (there were 4 of them) before marriage were incredibly difficult in a lot of ways, they were also really, really good for me. having to pay my rent, learn to budget, pay the bills, cook for myself, learn to bake, learn how to give of my time and my money, learn how to make a job that doesn't necessarily feel like a vocation into something meaningful on my own were all invaluable. while i can definitely see the allure of getting married right out of college, i'd wish these formative years for everyone (especially those from christian colleges like our dear alma matter).


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